Hilary Lo | My Story

Have you ever aspired to be something more?  To find a purpose in life?   My name is Hilary Lo.  Growing up, I dreamt of becoming an entrepreneur.  I wanted to do something that I believed in, something that I could call my own.  However, I was not as privileged as others to have the resources to fulfill my entrepreneurial dream.

I was eager to enter the work force upon graduation.  I wanted to see the world beyond me. I landed myself jobs but I did not feel satisfied.  The jobs felt meaningless to me as it felt like I was going through a dull routine in life until I retired.  This led to job hopping.

After years of working in banks to security posts and some technician work, I was finally at my wits’ end.  I couldn’t find a job that suited me.  An opportunity hit me one day with a job offer as prison warden.  This was something new and interesting—I had worked in security before but this was different as I would have to interact with actual inmates.  I took up the offer and the next thing I knew, I was suited up in a prison warden uniform.

One of my first tasks in prison was to ensure that the inmates were behaving themselves; I had to record their number tags if they were doing something wrong.  Surveying the area felt like I was in a lion’s den, I was getting death stares from the inmates.  I had never felt so scared in my life. My supervisor asked for the names that I have recorded, but I had barely written down anybody’s numbers. I was too afraid that I didn’t make any eye contact with the inmates.  My supervisor then taught me about the importance of asserting my authority in the prison and showed me how to do it.  He shared that the inmates feared the power invoked in those wearing the uniform.

Over the course of time, I felt enforcing my authority over the inmates wasn’t the right way to go.  I had never viewed the inmates to be lesser human beings.  I believed everyone had underlying reasons for their actions.  I worked from a different approach and started chatting with them and listened to their troubles. This was when I realised that this job was what I was searching for—it had a meaningful purpose, I was able to motivate the inmates to turn over a new leaf.

Most of the time, inmates would promise to improve their lifestyle once they were out of prison.  With things being easier said than done, some of the inmates there were still some returning to prison within weeks of their release. This, despite them making good progress.  I asked them about the promises they had made, and they were filled with nothing but regret and disappointment.  The other wardens discouraged me from trying to help the inmates, but I was unfazed by their words.  I wanted to help the inmates take a turn for the better.

The results remained as years went by, with some inmates constantly returning to the same cell, while some others managed to integrate back into society.  

One day, we had new batch of inmates to serve their prison term and I was assigned to supervise one of the groups from the batch.  One of the inmates stood out from the entire group—he was a tall, hefty man.  I could tell that it was his first time serving a prison term, but there was something about him that gave off different vibes from the other inmates.  He told me his story.  His name was Matthew and had landed himself in prison due to unfortunate circumstances, he wanted to turn over a new leaf.

While going around for a routine check, Matthew called out to me and handed me a piece of paper.  He explained to that he had hatched a business plan to help him and the other convicts to reintegrate themselves back into the society.  I wanted ex-offenders to earn a stable source of income, and he wanted me to be a partner with him.  I was sceptical about his plan at first and declined his offer.  I started to contemplate my decision after Matthew’s release, I remembered the issues faced by the inmates returning to prison, with our society judging them heavily based upon their past.  The ex-offenders also do not have anyone outside to help or guide them.

I soon resigned from my post and joined Matthew in helping the ex-offenders in their reintegration.  I continued to work with Matthew for 2 years, I had learned the full experience of the ex-inmates.  They had struggled to push for a better life as they faced the harsh judgements in the real world.  Together with Matthew, our vision of The Caffeine Experience (TCE) is a place to provide long term social recognition of ex-convicts, reintegrating them back into our society by providing them a set of life skills and a sustainable source of income.