Relapse | My Experience

Oct 30, 2021

Relapse is as real as the your urge to breathe. It’s a serious problem for most ex-drug offenders and no one is spared the agony of temptation, and I really mean no one, regardless of your inclination towards it. 

For most, we tend to believe we have a balanced choice, a choice to consume drugs or a choice not to consume. Yet time after time when a ex-abuser is presented with the availability of substance within reach and especially when there is a lack of supervision, we would gravitate towards it like a bee to honey. We will naturally return to the nefarious activity even with full awareness of the consequences.  Are all ex-drug offenders incorrigible or is there more to understanding this social problem.

Let us define a term; Equilibrium State (ES) is a State of a person’s mind where he need not expand any energy to maintain it, regarding certain topic. He is at rest. On the other hand, to move away from such state requires constant energy and effort. If this energy is depleted or removed, the subject will return to the Equilibrium State (ES) of view of the certain topic.

We will use this to explore the difference between a normal person and a drug abuser. The Equilibrium State (ES) of towards this topic of substance abuse are polar opposites for this 2 groups.

For a normal person who have not been exposed to the vile habit of drug abuse, the Equilibrium State (ES) is built on a mindset to avoid drugs at all cost. At some point in our life, in some media or educational event, we have been exposed to a multitude of drug abuse awareness campaign. Hence we are naturally inculcated to fear drug abuse, fearing that, once addicted, it will not just essentially destroy our life, it is also humanly impossible to break. Hence the Equilibrium State (ES) of a normal person is to fear drugs consumption and to avoid drug abuse at all cost.

For a drug abuser who have the experience of crossing over to the dark side of abusing drugs, the Equilibrium State (ES) is built on a mindset that drugs are probably just another solution to our problems. Mainly because delusionally, we don’t view the consumption of the substances as an offensive crime that will send us back to prison nor a destructive drug that destroys our body and mind. We align the substance along with any other medical drugs for our bodily needs, like that of Panadol to reduce pain, Domicum to induce sleep or Viagra to enhance sexual performance. We are familiar with drug induced experiences and we assume that we have some form of control over it. We literally take the dangers of substance abuse for granted even if we know the full consequences. Hence we maintain at our Equilibrium State (ES) of accepting chemical intoxication as a norm, especially when not supervised.

To change either Equilibrium State (ES) of mind for a mature adult, it will have to take some apocalyptic event and/or tremendous persuasion and/or iron-clad determination and/or a random occurrence of stupidity/curiosity. Without such, we will remain status-quo in our antipode views.

And without changes, we will naturally behave based on our Equilibrium State (ES). Non abusers will maintain their distance away from drugs and/or drug abusers. While on the other hand unfortunately, abusers will maintain their excuse to co-exist with drugs.

Such are the dangers of being exposed to the knowledge and experience of being a drug abuser. Once you cross that line regardless of the reason, there is no return. In cases where the abuser have the determination to go against the Equilibrium State (ES) to stop drug abuse, he will have to constantly and consciously fight the urge to abuse drug for the rest of his life. 

One small slip on this tight rope and we will free fall into the abyss of consequences. If not monitored or controlled, our life will be destroyed, our body damaged and eventually incarceration or death will be our ultimate destination. 

If you have not experience abusing drugs, stay away at all cost. The price to pay for crossing this line is way too high for trivial curiosity or even major life crisis. Once you cross it, you will have to spend the rest of your life fighting.

I know this because I am fighting the fight as a ex drug abuser and my name is Matthew Poh.

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